9

Everything will work.

Everything is possible.

Everything can be worked on, bent, shaped, transformed to our liking.

We make it our mission to explore every facet of life.

We make it our goal to know everything about the universe.

Anything is allowed.

Everything is an experiment,

For the end justifies the means,

And the means are many.

Knowledge is power.

And thus, we are powerful.

This, is the anthem of Department Twisted.

He had been calling it this way since the first time he had seen it. A circle, inside which was a set of five curved spokes, completed by a beak-like shape on each side. It was the perfect symbol. It looked like a weapon, inspired order among chaos, power, versatility. It represented the sharp, professional methods of the labs. The circle was the order. The spokes were the frame that protected the order. The side blades were for efficiency. The bending represented the rules and the laws - they had to be adapted to each situation, and even then, they made their own calls regardless of what the book says. Everything depended on the situation. Sometimes, the law was like having both feet stuck into cement. Thus, it was sometimes advantageous to forget about it for a moment.

"I'm sorry, sir. I had to take some inspiration from our anthem before starting."

"And the funny thing is that it's true... All right, on to business. You may enter!"

Ash heard a door click in the darkness. The little man sat down, just as the little spotlight above him was being turned on. It was a rather fat member of the government, someone Ash knew pretty well. He thus decided not to turn on the spotlight above him. Of course, he wasn't allowed to spotlight the chief either. Now to fool the man into thinking Ash is anything but himself.

"Look over here! You can't see me, and that's for a good reason, get it? You'll be speaking blind throughout this entire conversation. If you try to see either of us, I will pull out a laser machine gun and kill you. And if you really need to talk to me, you are going to call me Master. Do I make myself clear?"

Ash took a folder and checked its contents despite the darkness around him. "Minister of the Environment, Mister Paul Saint-Cyr. Welcome to Department Twisted. We have summoned you here because we happen to have a special offer available, and we know you would be interested... Now, don't give me that disbelieving look, mister Saint-Cyr. We know a lot about you. It's no different than the network where you get flooded by ads, right?" He laughed. "Don't worry, no one is going to bite you. All those claims about the Department are false anyways - we don't have three quarters of the governmental heads rooting for us for nothing."

Saint-Cyr nodded. "Well, you are undoubtedly the most active company in America. If you go under, it's a financial crash for everyone."

"Exactly. Now, we're in a little bit of trouble here. We were supposed to deliver a special gift to a company executive tonight, but a group of terrorists caught us by surprise and stole the gift. It's too bad, because the man, who happens to be a multi-billionaire you know about already I guess, had promised us a great percentage of his fortune to be gifted with this sweet little gift. He didn't want anything else, not even a copy. Now, we're at a loss at what to do. We were expecting this payment during our quarter and had adjusted accordingly, but now that this source of income is gone, we are stuck. This is why we have called you. You are currently the richest governmental branch, and we need someone who will trust us enough to fork over a few billion Bucks for a while, say six months."

The minister's eyes went wide open. "But... What am I supposed to do with my projects? I have three up and running at the moment, I can't stop them now!"

"Not to worry - we will leave you exactly what you need to finish, providing you stay within the limits. You've done a good job so far in keeping the cost as planned, and we expect you to keep at it. Should you be willing to let us borrow that money, it will be our pleasure to satisfy the top item on your desires list. If you are doubtful, feel free to talk to some other ministers; they are quite happy right now, thanks to us."

"You can, actually. It depends on whether you feel you can handle the rest of the year with what you'll have left. Here - if you manage to keep your head above the water, we'll grant you another wish. How does that sound?"

The chief grinned. "I knew we could reach an agreement! Here, I'll slide a form over to you. Write down the money you're willing to lend, sign your name, and expect your sexy catgirl to ring at your door in fifteen days. She'll have green hair and golden eyes, just how you like it. Gotta feel glad you've lost your wife, huh?"

The two laughed, though the minister's was a bit more forced than anything. Nevertheless, he scribbled his signature and the amount lent on the piece of paper. A hand suddenly popped out of the dark and grabbed the sheet, after which Ash heard the sound of a pen scratching its surface.

He tapped on the table to attract the minister's attention. "Thank you for your trust. We'll call you back to let you know of the status of your order. Now, I recall you have a meeting with Governor Taylor in a half-hour. I guess you'd better hurry. Have a good evening!"

Click went the door once again, after which Master turned the main lights on. Ash turned to face the chief, a bald skeletal man wearing a full black business suit and a pair of round black and silver sunglasses.

"Man, I can't believe how much sex sells!" He exclaimed. "I did a rough estimation yesterday and came the conclusion we made three quarters of our profits lately by just giving hot chicks to the government! I have to admit it's really tempting. I wouldn't mind having Dream for myself, you know? By the way, did you find her?"

"Unfortunately not." Ash closed the folder and put it aside. "She is still covered by the terrorists, and we can't seem to find them at all. They are too well coordinated. Obviously in the hands of experts."

Master smirked. "Guess they're gonna get what they want, huh?" Ash's face hardened.

"I am not going to surrender the New Colombus labs to a bunch of idiots who think they can reinvent the law just by stealing our products! Wherever Department Twisted goes, it's there to stay!"

Master stood up and put his fists on the table. "Wrong! The mission of Department Twisted isn't to stand its ground like a soldier! My purpose in life is to find out all the aspects of life as we know it, and I will relocate the Department wherever I wish. I'm about to go international here, and if that includes closing a few branches here, then I will do it. Besides, what am I supposed to do with the capital city under terror? I've already got my hands full capturing and killing the mutants everyone's fighting against. If I remove the New Colombus branch, the terrorists here won't have anything to hit, because they're after us. I want a safe capital if I want to make the United Provinces of North America an appealing country in the world. You're not going to last for long on the international front if you can't protect the embassies like you're supposed to - and believe me, I know exactly how many times such or such country has refused to start dealing with you for fear of getting hit by terrorists as well. Ash, without allies, we're nothing. I can't sell my products and conduct my researches if we're confined to North America. I will say this again: my goal is not - is not - to eradicate the enemy. It is to develop the Department as much as possible. And development also means cuts, relocations, and heavy duty management. So here's the deal. You take care of the terrorists. If I see it's hopeless, I'll just relocate my labs to some turf I know better. In my opinion, don't sweat it. Unless a miracle happens here, I'm pulling out the New Colombus branch out and relocating it to New Daisy. I won't even bother sending our our psychic spies."

Ash stood up and stared at him straight in the eyes. "I am your miracle, Master."

This made the chief laugh. "I didn't put you on the seat to impress me. I did it because I needed someone to rule this piece of land that is North America. If ol' Chuck could do it, you can do it as well. So stick to doing your job and let the police take care of the terrorists. Even if they get their way here, they won't have won much, because I've got more than just one strategy in my head. The only think I ask from you right now is to get the Alpha-Power books completed and saved. Okay? Now, you were supposed to meet minister Saint-Cyr at the restaurant tonight. I estimate you'll be ten minutes late. Hurry up!"

He wasn't a man who simply passed. He, Ash Taylor, was the man who passed with honors.

"Hello, mister Saint-Cyr, my friend!... Yes, this is Ash calling - listen, I've just run into a little emergency; one of my relatives has had an accident and I'm off to the hospital at New Daisy to see her, so I won't be able to meet you at the restaurant like I was planning to. Tell you what, why don't we reschedule that for next week? I have nothing to do next week... Yeah, that's great! Good, I've got that noted right here... Oh, who?... Ah, one of those 'secret chicks' I hear about all the time, huh?" He chuckled. "No, of course not - I'm a man of principles! Besides, it wouldn't look good to the people if I presented myself one day with one of those infamous 'G.M.B.'s - yeah, genetically modified babes! Never heard of that one? Well anyways, I really need to go. Talk to you later. Bye-bye!"

There, one nuisance taken care of. He turned the phone off, put it in his vest pocket and went to the elevator. After a quick card slide, he pushed the button for the twentieth floor - the first lab floor.

He stepped into a remarkably clean corridor. The noise of his footsteps more than announced his presence, and when he got into the computer room, there was already a bunch of workers waiting for him.

"Pretty good so far. Here, follow me to the cell block and I'll show you a few of the results." The man went to a door on the opposite side of the room and tapped the window next to it. "George! The door!"

The cell block took one half of each floor up until the tenth floor above this one. A typical floor included the cells, five lab rooms, and one computer room, not counting the other little rooms to house the security, some of the scientists and so on and so forth. Some of the cells there had special locks or designs adapted to each mutant housed in there. Whereas many had the standard metal bar door, some privileged ones had been given a cell with a full metal door, or sometimes an energetic field, or even sometimes a combination of both.

"Here's a good one right here." He said. "This remarkable young man is capable of sticking to walls and ceilings must like insects do. All he has to do is stick a part of his body on the surface he wants to stick to. Some special glue comes out of his pores when called upon to allow him to stick."

"Oh! Sorry - I was stuck in my routine here. Let's go over there. This is where I house the special ones... Ah, he's a pretty good one right here. Please think of a number, mister Taylor. Celine, what is the number?"

The young girl moved from her lying position in her bed and glanced at Ash. "...Seven hundred and forty two, sir."

"She's quite good, isn't she? And it doesn't matter how many digits there are in there, although I don't suggest you go into the extremes. Think of the long time it would take to say the whole number! Oh, here's a pretty interesting one right here. This cell houses twins, a boy and a girl. We're taught them the same methods and techniques to test out the effectiveness based on gender. We've seen that the two learn at the same pace. However, we have some twins whom we've taught at a later age and found out that the later we begin, the more the girl has an edge on the boy."

Ash peered into the window of the hard steel door. "Seems they've run away... All I see in there is nothing except a puddle of water."

The puddle slowly separated into two, then forming into the bodies of a boy and a girl lying on the floor.

"The cute thing about this particular one is that they can melt their clothes along with them and also a couple of light objects they are carrying." The scientist commented. "We're still testing though. And, we are pretty sure we can find some other patterns."

Ash sighed. "As far as I'm concerned, you could teach them anything and they could do it."

"Oh, no no no!" The man shook his head. "The Alpha-Power system is based on evidence that psychic powers are not actually done just with the snap of two fingers, but rather through a certain controlled method of mind usage. In other words, it's like learning a martial art. If you want to punch, you absolutely need to send your fist forward. That's what we label a punch. And we know a punch does whatever damage and has such or such speed in an average fight. Now, transfer this to Alpha-Powers. We have learned that if someone wants to create, say, fire, he or she needs to go through a certain process to do it. There aren't four ways to make the fireball, there's just one. Our researches are aimed primarily at finding those methods and teaching them to 'generic' non-gifted mutants to see if the evidence we have found works. We have completed the tree of four Alpha-Powers so far, and are about to finish three more by the end of this week I believe."

"Gifted mutants of course. We manipulate the DNA in some way to grant an ease to psychic powers. If not, we just use one of our machines to stimulate the appearance of paranormal phenomena in the person. That's actually how we've gotten the project started: by simply 'injecting' a bundle of energy at random into someone and checking out its effects. From there, we simply interview the mutant and note the ways he or she uses to create such or such an effect. I could go into more details, but I think I'd bore you if I did that."

"It sure bears its name. We're stuck at the same point we were a month ago. Try as we may, the codes are really hard to decipher, and I'll be damned if I could know when the coding ends! I think we have things backed up on seventeen high capacity hard disks, and I'm talking raw coding here. Some of it still needs to be analyzed and interpreted by my colleagues. We're not out of the woods yet."

He had sent the worker off to his business and began exploring the cell block. He took note of some interesting species of mutants and took a peek inside the lab rooms to see if anything was going on in there. However, it was almost the end of the day; most of the scientists were busy typing up their lab reports, or already home in front of a steak and a glass of beer.

With some time to lose, he wandered about on the floor, going back and forth between the computer room and the guards' room. Those guys were having dinner, or rather, finishing dinner. They were having a little coffee before getting back to work. In the meantime other guards patrolled the place - those who had had their dinner an hour before. The androids, lucky as they were, were on duty all the time and always patrolling the same floor. It came that the guards began naming the androids on their floor to hopefully generate an aura of friendliness, even though those androids were more robot than anything else, operating on the most basic emotional programs to be able to understand the various tones and figures of speech used in things like compliments, sarcasm or insults, the things that prompted the android to either reply "Thank you", "Yeah right", or "You suck".

The sterile designs of the corridors made him forget all about time. Despite that, he felt at home. Despite all the mutants, dangerous as they may be; despite the labs filled with more or less orthodox instruments; despite all the labcoat people going from room to room and showing as much personality as a block of stone, he felt like he had always belonged there.

He made a little trip to the cell block. There, he went by each cell, one by one. The designs there were more or less the same: a TV, a bed, a sink and a toilet. Cell after cell, he looked and smiled at a young boy or a young girl. This was the kid section he guessed. To verify his hypothesis, he went to the opposite end of the block and looked inside a few cells. Those contained adults. Nicely organized!

Sometimes, when the cell was standard design and the door was a classic cage gate, he asked the person inside what was so special about him or her. He loved to hear those wild stories of amazing powers, secret abilities, and so on and so forth. He had a tendency to come back to the same ones though. In particular, there was Gabriel, a six year old boy with an intelligence worthy of a doctorate - he had even learned most of the known theorems and laws of physics and mathematics by simply calculating values in his mind or imagining experiments. Another amazing one was Aisha, who happened to be in the cell right next to Gabriel. Her complex ears and multi-channel eyes allowed her to hear almost the full range of sounds - even bat sonars! - and see a broader spectrum of light than what the average human could imagine, lights even beyond the infrared and ultraviolet. He liked her because she seemed to be on a constant high. At seven years of age, she was amazed everyday by everything she saw and heard. It was a little frustrating though. Whenever he asked what the infrared looked like, she wasn't able to answer. It was like describing a color never seen before by mankind (and he suspected she could see those too.) Third in rank on the podium was Alex, some sort of artificial vampire the Department had cooked up a while ago and abandoned after some testing to improve on the design. Alex was a sad man, but he always rejoiced at the sight of Ash, whom he believed was his best friend.

And they don't even know I'm the governor of the United Provinces of North America, he thought. I could get them out of here by just snapping my fingers. But if I was to do that, I'd lose all the wonderful products the Department has done so far.

He heard footsteps. As he had feared, dinner time was over. Slowly waking up from his musings, he gave a lazy wave of the hand to the group of guards and headed for the elevator.

He opened the door to the computer room on his way there and saw the worker he had talked to when he had entered.

The man's face brightened all of a sudden. He reached behind him and pulled out a stack of papers, which he slammed on the nearest table.

"And now for something completely different!" The scientist declared with a big smile.